Pricey But Useless Bling Mobiles

As a simple man with simple needs, a mobile phone with the features that fit my lifestyle (e.g. SMS, MMS, music storage and playback, Internet and Bluetooth connectivity) would be enough. But for the filthy rich and those who are pretty much famous, having a mobile phone complete with features is not an option. For these kind of people, features and other options are not bling-ish enough to pass their high sets of standards and therefore not worthy to be held by their filthy hands.

For people who drink bottled water priced at $50 per 150ml bottle and keep their Chihuahuas or other freaks of nature in their Fendi or Gucci bags, owning a mobile phone means owning one or all of the following:

Goldvish “Le million” – studded with 120 carats worth of VVS-1 grade diamonds and priced at exactly $1 million. Great for showing off. A certified snatcher / robber magnet.

Vertu Signature Cobra – decorated with one pear-cut diamond, one round white diamond, two emerald eyes and 439 rubies, this Vertu phone can be yours for $115,000. That’s enough to buy 3 high end sedans. Me. I prefer the sedans.

Nokia 8800 Gold – Standard Nokia 8800 phone encased in a 24k gold housing. Perhaps the cheapest of the bunch, registering at $2,700. But the features are the same as the standard 8800. Expect nothing more in terms of function.

Unless your bank account is that of the Sultan of Brunei or Bill Gates, better stick with the conformity and sapre yourself from being called stupid.