Silly Things about some Superheroes
I grew up watching and immolating superheroes and wondering what kind of super powers I would like to possess if given the chance to be one. Of course, as kids, we never see the flaws superheroes make when they are out there saving the day on the TV, comics, and the big screen. But they do have flaws. And by that I do not mean that they have hidden misdemeanors and some bad habits on the side. Even if they possess these superhuman abilities that defy logic and reason that blow past us, there are subtle details that are just, well, unacceptable, even to a superhero fanatic like me.
The Incredible Hulk. Don’t make Dr. Bruce Banner angry, or else he will turn into that green giant with a knack of destroying just about everything in sight. As a kid, I love watching Banner transform into that green mountain of muscle and growl almost inaudible conversations. But, no matter how I love the guy, I just can’t get over the pants. I mean, come on. Banner is just a normal-sized guy, with a normal pair of pants on. The Hulk is, well, the Hulk, whose waistline is way above XXXL. Does that mean Banner wears ultra flexible pants? Or perhaps, the exposure to gamma radiation rendered Banner’s pants a degree of super flexibility? Ain’t that puzzling?
Ghost Rider. A superhero riding on a big bike and sporting a lengthy chain for a weapon is cool, if you ask me. And Ghost Rider seems to play the cool part pretty well, except for some glitches. His skull, the exposed bones in his hands, and wheels of his big bike are on fire, all thanks to the Spirit of Vengeance that resides in Johnny Blaze’s body. But here’s the thing; if that were the case, is it safe to assume that when Johnny takes the form of Ghost Rider, his whole body is on fire? If so, then why the heck are his clothes not burning? Pretty much, the most logical answer would be Ghost rider is wearing an undershirt, a leather jacket, and a pair of pants that are fireproof. So is his motorcycle. If nobody contests me on that, then I guess I am a genius.
Batman. Of all the superheroes minus the, uhm, superpowers, ironically, Batman owns! A master in seven schools of martial arts, a demolitions expert, a famed escape artist, knowledgeable in natural sciences with a flair for scientific deduction, and a billionaire at that, who would not want to be Bruce Wayne? Employing advanced technology and the coolest set of wheels to aid in his crusade against crime; Batman’s anomaly would be his famed utility belt. And believe me, the only person who is way cool wearing that kind of belt is none other than the Caped Crusader himself. But can you actually believe that he can store all his gadgetry inside those small pockets? He carries smoke grenades, Batarangs, and that rope thingy with him, along with his other thingamajigs! By my estimate, he needs a knapsack to bring those gizmos with him.
Iron Man. Another billionaire using technology to fight crime and, well keep him alive. Tony Starks, as we all know, is as good as dead without his way advanced pacemaker to keep his heart thumping. As Iron Man, he is nothing without his armor. And the armor is one of the things I would love to have when I was still growing up. I had a list of things to do back then if I was wearing Starks’s armor. Two of my favorite Iron Man armaments is his Gatling cannon mounted on his shoulder and the missile launchers on his forearms. But come to think of it, a Gatling cannon can fire an average of 2000 rounds per minute and a stinger missile can take up a lot of space. As far as I remember, Iron Man carries 4 missiles with him and lots of rounds for the cannon. Question: does his armor have room for storing purposes?
Superman. For crying out loud, the guy’s not even wearing a mask! Can’t they tell the difference? Sheez! Even my grandmother can spot Superman and Clark Kent without her glasses.
