DEALING WITH RELIGIOUS ISSUES

As everyone may know, debating about politics and religion is an exercise in futility. But, if you are placed in a situation where you really feel the need to clear some blatantly erroneous and offending reports about your religion with your friends, how would you go about it without offending or making them feel like you’re trying to convert or recruit them?

Here’s how I’d do it:

So as not to sound like a defensive religious fanatic, I’d wait for the favorable time, place and mood to discuss the issue. These three: time, venue and mood are essential factors in coming up with a fruitful, light hearted and diplomatic (not heated) exchange of views. A nonchalant manner of discussion is preferable to avoid making them feel like they’re going in for a debate or something. Concrete examples would be while window shopping or maybe while playing crossword puzzles or whatever relaxing games with them. In a subtle way, I would lead them into opening the issue by mixing or injecting the topic in between other subject matters. To directly broach the topic might make me appear personally affected or emotionally involved. Establishing my ‘disinterest’ on the issue is important to make the conversation as casual as possible. That way, no one will be holding his/her guard up– everybody would be conditioned for an objective and open-minded free flowing discussion.

I will start by asking a common topic of interest like:

‘So, have you heard Leona Lewis’s Keep Bleeding?’

and gradually move to:

‘that news about ( state the religion without using ‘my’ as in ‘my religion’ ) created quite a stir, didn’t it?

If you manage to maintain a controlled and casual series of queries and gradually extract points of view, apprehensions and negative criticisms from them, the whole thing will not come across as an interrogation. You can also get them to confide if you make it appear like you need their advice or if you can get them to feel like you’re solving a mystery together:

‘You think those reports are real? I’m kinda bothered myself. After all, it’s the religion I’m into.’

When you have done this part of ‘information gathering’, you are now ready to address each ‘misrepresentation’.

Still maintaining the casualness of the chat, you now put yourself at the same emotional and mental level of your friend by saying:

‘Yeah, I hear you out. Frankly, I wouldn’t like people to think that I support those beliefs and practices, ya know.’

Then proceed to setting the facts:

‘So, I did a little digging myself and, guess what, I found out those reports were inaccurate and erroneous.’

Discuss one by one the inaccuracies in relation to the misinterpretations, maintaining neutrality and objectivity the entire time.

To give and leave the impression of the discussion as a casual and friendly exchange of intelligent ideas instead of clashing of minds and beliefs, make sure you end the discussion in a casual tone:

‘Hey, but if any of those reports were true, I’d be the first to ditch (state religion). Look over there, Christian Louboutin pumps! Let’s go give it a check’

There’s always a next time if you really feel the need for a more thorough discussion on the topic. That was only the ‘ice breaker’ and a way to present yourself as an open-minded person whom your friends can discuss sensitive issues with without the need for them to hold back emotions or opinions.

It takes patience… and suave